Pilot to Co-Pilot

It's been snowing here a lot, two inches total last night alone. This has made driving fun. And I backed my car into a skip, but no damage I can't repair this summer. But the roommate, one Stuntman Mike, drove into town to check up on why I can't receive picture messages. It was a two man job. One person to do the driving, the other to keep the windows clear and transparent. Why this is important, one must understand how the defrost system of a 1970 bug works.
On the front end of the car, the pointy end for you you noobs, it's accomplished through a devilish combination of fresh air and heated air. The idea is sound in principle, the fresh air will assist in the movement of hot air across the windshield, thus removing any obstruction. That's the idea. There are two problems with this. One, there is a constant stream of cold air entering the vehicle. Two, it's like trying to nail jello to a moving poodle playing racquetball. It just doesn't work. And on the back end, it's a heating latice like any other modern car.
You can read the forums and techincal manuals, they throw around words like "Doghouse Flaps" and "Well sealed trunk". Well those don't exist on a 38 year old car. They can, but that takes money and that's going to things like rent and if I smoked, cigarettes. Good thing I don't smoke. But I digress.
In the modern world the heat is fan driven and it does it's job wonderfully. But in my car, I need a copilot with either a scraper and or a squegee to periodicaly clear my front windows. I end up using my only side mirror as my rear view but only on the drivers side because my real rear view mirror has fogged up. My blindspots are truely blind as I can't see through the condenstation. So I either don't change lanes, have to ask my co-driver, or guess. I don't like that last option.
But the traction has been good recently.

The car has been acting strangely as of late. Well not that most would notice, but I drive him enough that I can see it, or more feel it. The car is warm on the last run of the day. The heaters actually do their jobs. I can put down the hood on my jacket, doff my cap, ditch the gloves and no matter what the weather outside may be I'm suddenly and for the first time all day comfortable in my little British Racing Green cocoon. It's a rather remarkable feeling, very much like the smug feeling you get when driving in the rain.
It was nice tonight, a light snow was falling and I just rode along listing to the engine and watching for rough spots. There was just enough light to illuminate the countryside and it was a delightful motor home. I'm so glad I get to enjoy these moments with my car. Moments where time seems to stop, worries and cares vanish, and all that remains is the ten minute drive through rural Montana in a real winter wonderland. And I'm taking the time to look around at the view, and noticing maybe for the first time the snow on the fence posts and the way the mountains look so much different covered in in green and white. I think I shall try and motor north one of these days so I can enjoy more of it. And if able, I suggest you do the same.

I Take It All Back

Well it's been two or more weeks of solid snow and crappy roads. And I retract everything I've said about trying to drive my car. It's bloody brilliant is what is. A true technical achievement beyond what many "modern" cars are capable of. And I've learned over the last few days it's not the car, but it is the driver. And until I learned how to drive my car, I was failing Zazu.
A few nights ago, never mind the exact date, I was going home in the stark and barren winter streets and a thought occurred to me. Can I do a 180 degree turn an intersection? POWWWEEERRRRR! Spent the next half hour going sideways around corners and in general acting like a cock. But that was the moment when I learned the car. How much steering to give it, when to brake and all the other interesting stuff that is taken for granted in this the modern age of the automobile.
You see with a car like mine, you feel the car. Not through some electro-sensory feedback or an artificial feel system, but through the nuts and bolts and the seat of your pants. You can't think as it's simply too slow, you have to feel.
I liken it to operating a steam locomotive, which I also do. It's not about what a gauge tells you, like in a car. It's what your eyes tell you, and your ears. How is the engine working, what's the exhaust look like, how is the road ahead, what does it sound like. Your not inside the vehicle so much as you are outside of it. What happens inside is simply a culmination of all this.
Driving an old car is very much like this. And in these conditions it's even more apparent. I find myself looking at the snow and slush and making decisions about where I want to go, how much throttle to add. I'm not worried about what my speedometer or my tachometer reads. They are just gauges. What I want to know is how the car is functioning, what it's feeling.
And so far it's not put me wrong. Sure there are a few tight spots here and there, like running into a snowbank to avoid a collision, or missing a roundabout, but all and all it's been a wonderful experience. I look forward to continuing to drive my old car in these terrible conditions.
To you and yours happy holidays from all of us here at Life In The Old Car Club!

I hate to do it but the Beetle is staying home until this weather clears. I feel as if every time I drive it I lose a little luck, and at some point it will run out. I will however take it out to show my brother when he comes to town.

Short

My Dearest Gertrude,
The car is warming up for yet another trip into the arctic abyss that is Missoula, Montana. I know not what my journey will bring, but I know it is far to important that I do not tarry. My newer car has failed me. Only the old car soldiers on. This is a journey not of wanton desire, but of necessity. For those of you who follow this blog, know this. I have loved and lived and lost. I only hope you can follow where I cannot go and bring joy and solace to this world. If these are my last, then tell those I loved I love them as well. The time approaches, I must venture out.
Freezing under the Big Sky,
Frank Jones


Sorry just had to get that out. But yes, my 1999 Nissan is down with a thermostat issue. And the high today was 5 degrees Fahrenheit. It's cold. And it's icy. But I must go.

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EDIT

I've returned with a few notes. The back end of my car reallly wants to be the front end. And it seem the front end is happy to oblige more often then not. And sometimes with no provocation at all. It's almost as if a conversation goes on:

Front End: Hey Back End! Wanna lead for a bit?
Back End: Golly Front End! I'm not sure. James want's us to be going in a straight line. See how careful he's being?
Front End: Oh, he won't mind! Remember what we did at Broadway and Russel? It's almost like he enjoyed it, with the counter steering and all. Maybe this time he'll let you lead!
Back End: Well if you say so...
(Car swerves wildy, much counter steering ensues)
Back End: I told you so!
Front End: You telegraphed. Now this time lets give him no warning at all!

And he lack of heat is terrible. Really terrible. But I shall keep at it!

Father Into thy hands....

So we've had our first big snow here in the Garden City. Started at 11:00 last night. Snow warnings and the whole bit. Woke up to a winter wonderland. At last a true test of the Beetle in crystallized H2O! I've been waiting for this since October. Everyone applauds the handling of the Beetle in snow. Bury them in an avalance, the'll keep ticking. Two feet of snow? Plow drivers got to get to work somehow, righ? And let me tell you it's cold out. Very cold. Woman moved east to escape this kind of mind numbing cold. And the wind, musn't forget the wind! So I suited up and headed to the driveway where Zazu, that's my old car, waited. I'd like to think with a sneer of contempt on his face for the white substance covering our trailer court.
I will say this for the VW Beetle, the air cooled engine does indeed start easy on the first try, even with the car buried in 2.5" of snow. Transmission was a bit stiff, but that's normal when it's cold. Backing up was good, missed the garbage container, and first gear engaged. Just push the gas, right?
All hell broke loose. Want to learn to drive a 1970 Hemi muscle car on ice? Drive a 1970 VW Beetle on hard packed snow. The city and county don't seem to believe in plowing the roads, so it's icebreaking the whole way. And driving a 1970 VW Bug on these roads on "All-Weather" tires is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. Okay, maybe I would. Because it's as close to suicide as I've come. It's great. MASSIVE understeer followed by heart stopping oversteer. I spent the whole morning to a pretty good Jeremy Clarkson impression. POWWWEEERRR! And that's quite a feet with only 53hp.
On TV however it's much easier to drive. I know the theory, I know the idea behind it. Get understeer? Cure it with a dab of throttle, kick the back end out and voila! Not quite. Putting a car sideways on a major road without meaning to is a sure fire way to get the old heart rate up. Timing is what saved me. I never know what kind of traction I'll have, so the bigger the gap, the more room I have for error. It was like being in an episode of the Dukes of Hazzard. Do it on purpose it's a load of fun. Do it accidentally and you're prepared to talk to St. Pete.
I made it home alright, but I need to work on the car. More traction and weight will help. So in the meantime I shall sit right her, watch crappy movies and drink hot chocolate. Because it's not fit for man, nor beast, nor bug out there right now. Stay safe y'all!

Heat or Lack Thereof

Woman (The singular, not the plural) refused to ride in my car. Really, she did. I'd offer to take her on a motoring extravaganza and she would want to stay home. My classic made her nauseous. Now on looks alone, possibly, but this highlights one of the downsides of classic car ownership. I think some background is in order.
The beetle heater is powered by a pair of heat exchangers on the exhausts. If the engines on you have heat, right? Not so fast, see there are a few minor downsides. The first is the smell as they warm up. You'll swear you have an exhaust leak. And with all the tubes and pipes, something will go amiss and you'll suddenly lose defrost all at once. Now being slightly cold, breathing what you swear is exhaust, and having to touch your companions leg every time you want to adjust the heat does make for an interesting driving experience I'll grant that.
But that is also part of the fun! You don't know when your heat will actually start working. I've got an idea this winter to help cover fuel costs, bet on the heat! I'll take a poll before the car is started about when and where the heat will actually begin to warm the car and not just spew hot air in the foot wells. Have you ever seen hot air freeze solid? It's not a pretty sight. But the winner of the betting pool gets to fill my car with gas, which at current prices can be under a tenner.
All this talk of heat reminds me of my first true classic car experience. My family for years drove a 1981 VW Vanagon. Had it for thirteen years before is self destructed on Highway 93. It had the same heating set up as my current classic car, with for a vehicle that big isn't much of one. I have family in the heartland and we were driving to meet them. In the middle of winter. We had brought along some Montana water for them to try, it being so pollutant free and delicious. Well we put it in front of the rear heater vent. And it froze solid. Ah, life in the slow lane.
Merry Christmas!